Rating: PG-13
Pairing: S/S, hint of Kamui + Subaru
Warning: Shounen-ai, gloomy, angst, songfic,
spoilers for X 16, almost non-spoiler
for Asuka November 2001 (just for who
visits Subaru, not the whole scene)
Summary: Subaru angsting after Rainbow Bridge
Notes: Based on the Don't Fear The Reaper cover
by the Finnish band HIM
Disclaimer: Characters and situation (C) Clamp,
song lyrics (C) Donal Roeser &
The Blue Oyster Cult
Dedicated to: Malice, for tolerating my clumsiness at stuff ^.^
~song lyrics
Thoughts.
Don't fear the reaper
by Beth
"You'd do well to rest now," Subaru advised.
"Yes..." Kamui threw him a worried look before closing the door. He seemed unconvinced that his friend had escaped Rainbow Bridge with his soul unscathed.
The onmyouji sagged forward, dropping the emotionless mask. Tears welled up in his remaining eye.
Seishirou-san...
~All our times have come
~Here but now they're gone
We could have had the world.
For nine years he had searched and perfected his power with only one goal in his mind: getting noticed by the one person that mattered. And now...
Now it was too late.
Words kept ringing through his mind, words he'd never hoped to hear, words that had cut him to the quick.
Words he'd imagined once, back when everything was alright.
~Seasons don't fear the reaper
~Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain..
He realized that while he'd accepted he'd eventually die himself - and he'd thought he knew at whose hands - he had never imagined Seishirou dying. The Sakurazukamori had seemed... a force of nature, somehow. Subaru had watched him through the years as the man destroyed one life after another with the force of a hurricane... with the grace and beauty of a forest fire.
And he'd been the deer caught on a rocky outcrop, momentarily away from the blaze's attention but in the end doomed to perish in the flames.
This wasn't how it was supposed to go!
Then a thought - a memory - struck him.
To become Sakurazukamori, one must kill the previous Sakurazukamori.
Was this what he was destined for? To become another incarnation of this force that had governed his life for so long?
He found a perverse logic in the thought. After all, the Sumeragi were many, but their counterpart always worked and lived alone... such was the way of things.
~we can be like they are
~Come on baby...don't fear the reaper
~Baby take my hand...don't fear the reaper
He remembered a dream he'd had on the drive back from Rainbow Bridge, the purring of Nokoru's limousine's engine lulling him to sleep.
He floated above a dark plain. After a moment he realized it was a sea, the black waves rolling lazily just below his feet. He felt the chill from the icy water run through his skin.
Suddenly the water erupted. Dozens of gaunt, pale-skinned hands grabbed his feet, then his legs. He tried to break free, but they held of tightly, the cold fingers biting into his flesh. His thrashing only resulted in splashing him with the water, and he realized it wasn't black at all.
It was red.
As the water - (blood) - liquid touched his arms, he felt a tingling between his shoulder blades. The feeling was nothing next to the panic that enveloped his brain.
He couldn't describe the next sensation as the skin on his back parted and the wings unfurled.
~We'll be able to fly...don't fear the reaper
~Baby I'm your man...
The feathers were black and red, and they reached farther than twice the length of Subaru's arms. With one beat, he was free of the hands, and another had him high above the bloody sea.
He flew on and on, until the dark red water gave way to green grass. He saw a single tree in the middle of the meadow, and somehow he knew that its flowered branches promised peace and sweet oblivion, in a whisper that seemed achingly familiar.
As he was about to land under the tree, the air before him thickened and glowed a neon blue. Then the light condensed into five-point stars, the symbols of the Sumeragi barring his way to the sakura.
Driven by a sudden surge of anger, he crashed into the barrier and screamed with pain.
He'd woken up to Kamui's worried face as the car pulled into Clamp Campus. He'd refused medical help, sitting instead in a darkened room until Kamui came to talk to him.
And now here he sat still, unmoving.
How pathetic can you get?! Hokuto's voice sounded in his mind.
~Valentine is done
~Here but now they're gone
~Romeo and Juliet
~Are together in eternity...Romeo and Juliet
He remembered his sister cheering Seishirou on, exalting the forbidden-ness and romanticism of their affair and comparing them to other "star-crossed lovers". Her favorite had been Romeo and Juliet...
Oh, Hokuto-chan, if you'd only known the role you would come to play-
He saw it now - she was Mercutio, the best friend whose death brought the lovers' downfall. Only Shakespeare did not make Mercutio slip Juliet the poison himself-
No. Hokuto wasn't to blame. It was all destined - cruel Fate kept them apart, kept him from realizing, kept-
A sudden clear thought, bright like shattered diamond. I'm going crazy.
~40,000 men and women everyday...Like Romeo and Juliet
~40,000 men and women everyday...Redefine happiness
For a brief moment he recalled the words he'd said to Kamui.
There's no way you can make everyone happy.
His mind whirled back to Hokuto's babbling of Romeo and Juliet. Happiness seemed so fleeting, even if the love was there. The world - destiny - seemed bent on throwing everyone into the arms of despair.
Happiness could be joining the one you loved in death.
~Another 40,000 coming everyday...We can be like they are
~Come on baby...don't fear the reaper
He looked at his hands, and the brands that had once puzzled him. The strange thing was, he'd never really hated them. To do that he'd have to hate the one who'd given them to him, and he could never manage that.
He remembered the touch of lips that had brought them to life, and the way Seishirou had repeated the gesture a number of times during their acquaintance.
Subaru kissed the back of his hands now, cooling the fevered skin. Then he reached a decision and stood up sharply.
~Baby take my hand...don't fear the reaper
~We'll be able to fly...don't fear the reaper
~Baby I'm your man...
The window's hinges screeched in protest as he forced them open. Outside, storm clouds gathered and a wicked wind tore at the tree branches. The air was full of tension.
Suddenly he felt a familiar scent, at once sweet and metallic.
Sakura and blood.
And he heard the beating of wings.
~Love of two is one
~Here but now they're gone
Kamui's anguished wail echoed through the campus.
"Subaru!!!"
He watched the boy from the branches of a nearby tree. The illusion of invisibility had proved eerily easy to summon.
The shikigami on his shoulder stirred, disturbed by the cry. It wasn't his familiar dove.
The large eagle took off, flying over the rooftops of Tokyo, and Subaru followed.
~Came the last night of sadness
~And it was clear she couldn't go on
~Then the door was open and the wind appeared
~The candles blew then disappeared
Despite the season, Seishirou's garden bloomed with flowers. The camellia trees had clothed their branches in blood and the sakura blossoms provided contrast with a delicate mix of white and pale pink.
It seemed familiar.
Subaru didn't know how much time he spent in the house. During rare moments of lucidity he usually found himself sitting in the garden, or laying on the bed, inhaling Seishirou's scent in the silken sheets.
It was the first time in nine years that he slept in peace.
~The curtains flew then he appeared...saying don't be afraid
~Come on baby...and she had no fear
~And she ran to him...then they started to fly
He came to his senses again, standing in the garden. A gentle wind was rustling through the sakura trees, detaching stray petals and whirling them playfully. Just as it had done countless times before...
Even when he'd had the nightmares, he always loved the sakura.
Subaru turned his face into the sun's warm rays. Coupled with gentle touches of the wind and petals, it felt as if warm fingers were brushing his cheeks.
Don't be afraid of what you're becoming, a familiar voice whispered in the dark edges of his mind. Don't fear...
Then he realized he wasn't alone, and his company was more than spirits.
"I no longer have any concern with the end of the world," he said calmly.
"I know," Fuuma answered.
~They looked backward and said goodbye...she had become like they are
~She had taken his hand...she had become like they are
~Come on baby...don't fear the reaper
{FINIS}
Author's Notes:
>_< No idea why I wrote this... so don't demand explanations. Take it or leave it.
"Happiness could be joining the one you loved in death." Stolen from the HIM song "Join me (in death)". Probably no-one except Malice will recognize the name of the band ^_~ Of course, HIM also recorded a cover of "Don't fear the reaper".