Rating: PG-13
Pairing: None
Sillyness level: High
The characters do not belong to me
WARNINGS: Tasteless, guys in drag, Seishirou rapping 
          and Fuuma in a leather bikini

Lady Marmalade

by Beth
Lyrics © by B. Crewe and K. Nolan

The stage was covered in red velvet draped over the steps rising to the curtain. Soft mood-lighting filled the space, coming from several stained-glass lamps. Behind the curtain a stage-light shone through, outlining four figures posing suggestively in high heels.

The curtain rose slowly, revealing that the men stood with their backs to the audience.

A spotlight moved across the line. The one on the right extended his hand and threw a coy look over his shoulder at the audience. He was the only one not in long gloves, but his hands were adorned with ruby bracelets, matching his red leather corset and crimson fishnet stockings, as well as the streaks in his otherwise black hair.

"Where’s all mah soul sistahs?" Seishirou sang, snapping his fingers and swaying to the rhythm. "Lemme hear ya’ll flow sistahs!"

The others moved to the beat. "Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister!" The two boys in the middle, the taller one wearing a black studded leather bikini and the other a purple lace corset, ran their fingers through their hair, shaking their.. uh.. behinds.

"Oh," Seishirou purred. On this cue, the music started

"Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, go sister!" they sang.

Then the man on the far left of the line crossed his arms (covered in white lace gloves) in front of his head and turned with a flourish, letting the red ribbons attached to his short white lacy negligee swirl enticingly.

Subaru uncrossed his hands and walked down the stairs, singing:
"He met Marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge
Struttin’ her stuff on the street."

Fuuma and Kamui turned toward each other and clasped their hands. "She said “Hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?” Oh! Uh huh!"

Seishirou and Subaru grinned at each other and went on to the chorus, joined by the other two.

"Gouchie, Gouchie, ya ya dada!"

Subaru threw his head and half-moaned, "Hey hey hey!"

"Gouchie, Gouchie, ya ya here!"

Fuuma grinned and hummed, "Here..."

"Mocha Chocolata ya ya!"

Seishirou and Fuuma stayed on the third step from the top while the other two went one step lower. Subaru and Kamui took the center of the stairs, froze in their dancing and half-hissed seductively: "Creole lady Marmalade..."

Subaru got into the act and crooned one more "Ooh oh" before joining the surprisingly well-choreographed dance routine as they all sang:

"Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
Voulez vous coucher avec moi?"

Seishirou added quietly: "Yea yea yea yea!"

Subaru gave him a discreet thwap disguised as a place change while Fuuma took the center stage.

The dark Kamui, suitably attired in a black silver-studded leather bikini and piece of headgear that looked suspiciously as an s&m version of a policeman's cap, got into his act while the others continued to sing "Hey sister, go sister," in the background:

"He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up
Boy drank all that Magnolia wine."

He threw a seductive gaze at his twin star while executing a pirouette. "All her black satin sheets, suede's, dark greens - yeah!"

The other three joined him now, dancing for all they were worth.

"Gouchie, Gouchie, ya ya dada!"

Seishirou laughed: "Da-da-da!"

"Gouchie, Gouchie, ya ya here!"

Kamui seemed to lose all his inhibitions as he sang, "Here ohooh yea yeah!"

"Mocha Chocolata ya ya!"

This time Fuuma paused to deliver the title line: "Creole lady Marmalade..." He stretched the last note into a purr.

"Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"

"Ce soir, what what what..." Seishirou added.

"Voulez vous coucher avec moi?"

The Sakurazukamori pushed the others aside and walked to the bottom of the stairs. His stride, while still seductive, turned from that of a pussy cat's to that of a panther. Subaru followed him down, swaying his hips and crooning as he walked.

"He come through with the money and the garter bags," Seishirou started his rap.

"I let him know 'bout that cake straight up the gate uh
We independent women, some mistake us for whores
I'm sayin‘, why spend mine?"

Subaru joined him: "When I can spend yours?"

"Disagree?" the older onmyouji continued. "Well that's you and I’m sorry,
I'm a keep playing these cats out like Atari."

Subaru sang another loud "Oooh" in the background, doing his damnedest to distract Seishirou with his motions, but the older man was having none of that. Instead he concentrated on his next lines.

"Wear high-heel shoes get love from the dudes
Four bad-ass chicks from the Moulin Rouge!"

Fuuma and Kamui joined the Sumeragi, forming a chorus line and singing, "Hey sisters, soul sisters, better get that dough, sisters!"

"We drink wine with diamonds in the glass," Seishirou went on, "by the case the meaning of expensive taste!"

Fuuma stepped to his side.

"If you wanna Gouchie, Gouchie, ya ya!
Mocha Chocolata what?
Real Lady Marmalade!"

"One more time!" Seishirou said. "C’mon now..."

"Marmalade..." they sang together, moving like true Moulin Rouge dancers. "Lady Marmalade... Marmalade..."

Kamui stepped forward, shaking his hips to the music. "Hey!" he drawled, turning sideways to the audience and slowly pushing his hair out of his eyes. "Hey!" His moves directed attention to his legs, clad in thigh-high high-heeled shoes adorned with amethyst-colored lace. "Hey!" he yelled, getting into the act.

"Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth
color of cafe au lait alright!" Kamui ran his palms down his corset. "Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried!"

All of them put their hands up, swaying to the music and half-shouting: "More-more-more!"

Fuuma grinned and went on with his line: "Now he's back home doin' nine to five!"

"Sleepin' the grey flannel life," Subaru sang melodically, running his white-gloved hands through his hair, careful not to dislodge the diamond-studded hairpins

"But when he turns off to sleep," Kamui continued, "memories creep!"

"More-more-more-more-more!"

Once again they were moving in sync on the stage.

"Gouchie, Gouchie, ya ya dada!"

"Da daeaea yea!" Subaru and Kamui added.

"Gouchie, Gouchie, ya ya here!
Mocha Chocolata ya ya!"

Once again the green-eyed man took center-stage as he sang: "Creole lady Marmalade!" He drew out the last note like Whitney Houston.

"Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" they sang, throwing coy looks to the audience.

"Ce soir," Subaru mused.

"Voulez vous coucher avec moi?

"All my sistahs, yeah," Seishirou added.

"Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"

It was Fuuma's turn to add, "Ce soir!"

"Voulez vous coucher avec moi?"

"C‘Mon!" sounded from behind the stage. Another figure walked on -- this man was wearing rather simple black leather pants and biker jacket, but the looks he threw from those ice-blue eyes made him seem just as alluring as the scantily-clad quartet who was nearing the completion of their song.

He snapped open a fan, appropriately crafted from black wood and studded with rubies as he introduced the singers:

"Seishirou!"

"Oh yeaaah oh!" the Sakurazukamori crooned as he walked up the stairs.

"Fuuma!"

"Lady Marmalade..." the boy sang softly as he followed suit.

"Kamui!"

"Hey hey!" the youngest boy laughed, also starting to walk up.

"Subaru!"

"Oh oh oooh!" he mused as he joined the others, forming a cluster around the leather-clad Nokoru.

The Imonoyama continued: "Rock wilder baby!"

"Baby!" Subaru moaned while he executed a sexy dance step that shouldn't have been possible on high heels.

"Moulin Rouge!" Nokoru cried. "Misdemeanor here..."

The others grinned as they stepped forward again and held hands while singing the last line:

"Creole Lady Marmalade!!! Oooh yes!"

The music died together with their voices, and with it the lights.

Then they came back on, and the five men on stage glared at their audience.

"Satisfied?" Fuuma hissed.

Beth nodded her head. "Very! Now I've got that damned song outta my head and I can go write that damned exam. And you won't have to do it again," she beamed. "I got it all on tape!"

She yelped and teleported away just before a shinken, a blast of energy, an ofuda and a screeching shikigami hit the chair she'd been sitting in moments earlier.

"Sheesh..." she muttered in the safety of the Real World (TM). "Just for that, I'm sending that tape to the ML!"

*FINIS*

 

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