You know You read too much Discworld when...
Original idea by
Maaike and Alex Charron, hosted with permission. Further submissions welcomed and encouraged by
Beth Winter
From Maaike and Alex Charron
1. You hold insightful conversations with
Mr.Jelly.
2. You have ever tasted dried frog pills.
3. You know the recipe to Mr.Dibbler's sausage-
inna-bun.
4. You go to bed with a sign reading `I ATEN'T
DEAD'.
5. You have ever hidden alcohol in your hat-tip.
6. When writing research papers, you ask the
orangutans at the zoo for help navigating the
library's reference section.
7. You have used the phrase `Millenium hand and
shrimp'.
8. You are always kind to cats, just in case the
dude with the glowing blue eye-sockets shows up
unexpectedly.[1]
9. You dread receiving a note from Mr.Ixolite.
10. You fly into a berserker rage in the presence
of snow-globes.
11. You talk to gargoyles and expect an answer.
12. You actually HAVE gotten an answer.
13. When being robbed/mugged/assassinated, you
ask to see a liscence.
14.You know all the words to the Hedgehog Song.[2]
15. When buying travel accessories, you ask the
clerk if the suitcases have legs, and complain
loudly when you discover they do not.
16. You are trained in the arts of the hat-pin.
17. Your computer has an FTB.[3]
18. You run for cover at the sight of yellow
butterflies.
19. Your cat once treed a grizzly.
20. You know all the words to `A Wizard's Staff
Has A Knob On The End'.[2]
21. When applying for university courses, you
are/were shocked to find that Magic 1000 does not
exist.
22. Mention of the word `gimlet' has you thinking
of the dwarf who owns the Delicatessen on Cable
Street.
23. Your compost heap glows in the dark.
24. Ook ook eek ook.
25. You understood number 24.
26. The local pet store refuses to sell you
turtles because of The Elephant Incident.
27. You have willingly eaten vindaloo.
28. You painted your budgie black and named him
`Quoth'.
29. You are sorely disappointed to discover that
not one of your math teachers is/was a camel.
30. You always treat tortoises with great
respect. Just in case.
31. Your biggest fear about sailing is going over
the edge.
32. When someone speaks of the north and/or south
poles, you comment that you didn't know they were
Omnian.
From Orjan Westin
33. When walking outside in darkness, you tread
extra carefully around large rocks.
34. When hearing about our democracy, you vaguely
wonder which man has the vote.
35. When a person of the same sex invites you to
play croquet, you blushingly decline.
36. When someone ask you if you have a watch,
you direct them to the police.
37. When in Glasgow, you get amazed by how the
NMF has grown.
38. You stay indoors during Halloween.
39. When seeing a mime in the street, you stay
to watch the arrest.
40. You ask your pharmacist for sonkies for
a Friday night.
41. When visiting the Louvre, you look for the
teeth on Mona Lisa.
42. You try to walk on the surface of the Thames.
43. When the battery in your camera runs out,
you fill it up with paint.
From Whammalhammadingdongbingbangagogo
44.you're afraid to say the word "m*nk*y",
especially in a library.
45.you shout "Om-damnit!" when frustrated, or
say other similar things such as "Thank Om",
etc. (Or "Offler...", or "Blind-Io...", etc.)
46.you're afraid of having bread thrown at you.
47.you use footnotes when speaking.
48.you laugh whenever you hear the word "seamstress".
49.you reply "What big hippo?" whenever
someone says "Aargh".
50.you intenthionally thpeak like thith.
51.the phrase "lend me a hand" makes you nervous.
52.you're afraid to use wooden dishes or
utensils for anything with egg in it.
53.you wear thin-soled shoes so you can tell
where you are by the texture of the ground.
From Jack van Ipenburg
54. you check mushrooms on doors and windows
before eating them
55. you are looking for the legs under each
wobbling suitcase you encounter on railwaystations
and airports
56. you are afraid to mention the number that
lies between seven and nine.
57. you end up in a field of cabbages each time
you go dragon hunting with a highly accurate map.
58. you try to order a record by Lead Balloon
at amazon.com
59. you wear a witches hat just in case a house
should drop upon you
60. you count like one-two-three-many (...)
when temperature rises
61. you try not to step on a god in ancient/exotic
temples
62. you think a headache must be from the counterwise
wine
63. and when asked to put some random names into
a taxprogram you work with, you add "Sam Vimes",
"Carrot", "Colon" and "Nobby". (I am still wondering
who did put these names in the taxprogram I actually
work with).
From Merideth Lively
64. When you swear, you say, "Ing" or "---ing."
65. You refer to the "Higher Power" as plural
(as in, "Oh my gods!")
-
[1]
-
Later amended to "In case they show up unexpectedly"
-
[2]
-
Written before the author discovered the words actually existed
-
[3]
-
Fluffy Teddy Bear; see Hogfather
